It’s been a while since I allowed myself sit still enough to write an entry on this blog. This part of my life is very important and when I hit the first road block to writing a new blog entry a little over two months ago, I didn’t make a big deal of it I just kept moving. However, a month later I noticed that I was really having an issue with exposing more of myself in my journey. It wasn’t until today, after dealing with a barrage of negative energy from others that I decided to sit and examine my need to push past things and keep going.
In the past, I have attracted people who have a hard time with the concept of moving on. So much so, that they would insist that I sit in the energy with them and be a part of their dysfunction. In those relating processes I did just that and eventually, the weight of it became so bothersome that I stopped moving completely. So of course in response, I fled the relationship. Of course upon further examination i realized that I thought that was acceptable behavior as well.
As someone, who is adamant about working on myself, I decided to take the time to examine this energy because today was one of those days where I could have literally got in my car and kept driving until I was completely exhausted. Upon realizing this, I noted that have not stopped moving at all. I am always forging ahead and that is not necessarily a bad thing but how it has affected me might not be so great; hence my current situation.
I have a hard time with sitting still. I am always doing. My mind has about 300 ideas going on at the same time; focus has never been my strong point. I have made this work for me creatively, but not emotionally.
In my healing work to this point, I have an understanding of knowing and feeling, but allowing is a totally different beast. I can feel and know all the shit I want, but allowing, making space for the gift is the part that I forget to include. So here I am writing, allowing, inviting in my magnificent possibilities. Not just in word and deed, but in spirit.
Prayers are just words, feelings are just emotions, work is just doing, but to see these things happen in my life I need to make space, I need to allow and that takes time. I get to sit still. I get to breath.
In my practice of yoga and pole dancing, I have to be patient with my body. It is not the same body that I had five years ago. I am learning to apply that same practice to my heart.
I am healing. It is a journey, it is not an overnight actualization.
There is no need to push past things that make me uncomfortable. It is okay to sit with them.
I am open to receiving all that is purposed and designed for me.
Every moment I am opening, stretching, allowing.
I am already where I am supposed to be.
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zohameanslight 